Item #: 18963 Category: HOLIDAY Format: VHS MPAA Rating: R

Woolly Rating: 5/10 (74 votes)

MEMBER COMMENTS ON THIS VIDEO

jd	Jun 10, 2003 @ 18:8:23

<[:-} “now that hell is full, i wonder where you will go”
spoilers! on my best day i couldn’t do justice to “elves,” the second best rental of a very successful sleazeatronic weekend. kirsten, the leader of “the sisters of antichristmas,” lives with a potty mouthed, perverted little brother, an evil mother who hates her, and a nazi scientist / occultist grandfather. dan “grizzly adams” haggerty plays a recovering alcoholic ex-cop who chain smokes, even when brushing his teeth. mom (deanna “sting of death” lund) says “you hurt yourself? good!” when kirsten comes home bleeding, confiscates her savings account, and drowns “agamemnon,” her cat, her “only friend.” a big deal is made of lund looking too young to be kirsten’s mom, and it is said she was 16 when she had kirsten. lund was 53 when this was released, and it looks to have been a high mileage 53 years. haggerty commiserates, saying with a straight face that he had a dog named “fuchsia” that died. kirsten works at “golem’s” department store. the young store santa claus snorts coke, cursing when his beard drags in a line, tells a boy where the toy he wants is sold in the store, and gives a girl the finger. when kirsten teases him by sitting on his lap he whispers “oral.” “what!?” “santa said oral.” he gets stabbed repeatedly in the crotch and dies with his eyes open, blood running from his mouth. instead of chalk, paper strips are used to outline his body. “the sign of the elf” (which looks a lot like the blue oyster cult symbol) pops up everywhere. we see a lot of the “two foot” elf. its really grotesque, but the lack of facial movement gets comical after a while. in one scene, haggerty gets in his car, picks up the bundle of tnt meant to kill him, opens the door, and jumps out, leaving the tnt in the car! the nazis crank out primo dialogue: “ze elf mates with ze virgin on christmas eve [at midnight] to produce ze master race.” [the first offspring will be the antichrist and the birth will signal the end of days] “elves will walk the earth when hell is full.” “i impregnated my own daughter to produce an offspring zat would be suitable to ze elf.” however, the best line is reserved for kirsten. on christmas eve “the sisters” break into golem’s to model lingerie for their boyfriends. its revealed that kirsten is a virgin (of course), but another sister says she’d rather give in than deal with a “confrontation.” waiting for the boys, picking out their outfits, kirsten holds a frilly blue bottom in front of her and asks “its not too... tuna, is it?” kirsten has a shower scene, but the only real nudity, during lund’s bath scene, is one of the most awkward uses of a body double i’ve ever seen. a shot of her real, wrinkled body, with heavy “electrocution” make-up, is used as an “after” shot.

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